Therapy Is Almost Like Being in Love

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Some of your friends probably follow her on Twitter. One example of bad faith that Sartre gives is that of a waiter who does his best to conform to everything that a waiter should be. For Sartre, the waiter's exaggerated behaviour is evidence that he is play-acting at being a waiter, an automaton whose essence is to be a waiter. However, in order to play-act at being a waiter, the waiter must at some level be aware that he is not in fact a waiter, but a conscious human being who is deceiving himself that he is a waiter. Besides reflecting generally on the parallels between a healthy marriage and psychotherapy, I am specifically noting how the nuanced listening in marriage develops out of the knowledge that your spouse’s moods, hidden agendas, and varying ways of connecting with you matter to you. You need to know what’s up with your spouse because your own well-being depends on it.

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In some, alas many, marriages, the hierarchy between what Sartre called the Lover and the Beloved allows the beloved to ignore the moods, meanings, and connections of the lover, who must suffer in silence at not mattering much or must express that suffering in symptoms. If you win best scene, you and your scene partners and the company win the award. For mine, it was me, Tommy Pistol and a puppet—and I think the woman who voiced the puppet won the award, because the puppet wasn’t there to pick it up (laughs). People may pretend to themselves that they do not have the freedom to make choices by pursuing pragmatic concerns and adopting social roles and value systems that are alien to their nature as conscious human beings.

Therapy Is Almost Like Being in Love

As a producer, my partner and I book people for our productions sometimes. You can look at their Twitter, and usually in their bio they’ll say that they’re self-booking, or contact my agent. You can see their tweets, see if they’ve been having any meltdowns or rants. People will say anything online, and it kind of gives you a feel of what the person’s personality is like.

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I had a Tumblr following or a bit, I was blogging about spiders and porn and other stuff I liked, so I had some carryover fanbase from that. I no longer have a Tumblr, because they changed their rules a bunch. By sticking with the safe, easy, default ‘choice' and failing to recognise the multitude of other choices that are available to him, a person places himself at the mercy of the circumstances in which he happens to find himself. Thus, the person is more akin to an object than to a conscious human being, or, in Sartrean terminology, more akin to a ‘being-in-itself' than to a ‘being-for-itself'. [Also,] in LA, for every day of production you need a film permit, which nobody’s getting. You have to sit in a room all day and get a permit, and why would you be sitting in a room when you could be filming?

I discovered there were sex-positive, feminist porn stars like Stoya and Sasha Grey, and they were also petite brunettes versus the tan, big-boobed, blonde trope that I kind of thought was the end-all, be-all of porn. I was like, wow, these ladies are super cool and comfortable with themselves, and they’re presenting themselves sexually on their own terms—kind of reclaiming their sexuality. Charlotte Sartre—also known as Goth Charlotte—is one of Vegas’ fastest-rising porn stars. At 24 years old, the tattooed and soft-spoken Northern California native has captured the attention of all genders for her inclusive yet intense scenes, and she just won this year’s AVN award for most outrageous scene.

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There’s no game of telephone, there’s no room for miscommunication and I don’t have to give a percentage of my check to anybody. I feel if I’m sucking 100 percent of the dick or vagina or whatever, why do I have to give somebody 10 or 15 percent of my check? If you can answer the phone or an email, have a Twitter and know how to use a calendar, you really don’t need an agent in my opinion, but for some people it’s really beneficial.

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They just make it a big pain in the butt. Also, the lower cost of living [in Las Vegas] doesn’t hurt. You still have the public thinking everyone is Jenna Jameson and we’re all millionaires, when really we make pretty average incomes. I always have seen myself being a hands-on type of person. If I wasn’t doing this I’d be a taxidermist or a hazmat removal person where I have my hands in the muck, which is just where I like to be.

It turns out that I already had skills for nuanced listening with my life partner. We can tell when the other person is promoting a different version of themselves, and whether this performance is defensive or experimenting with a new way of being. We can tease each other about our foibles partly because there’s an envelope of affection that the content comes in, but also because we can count on the other person to detect that the teasing is affectionate. We both have extremely sensitive antennae for picking up cues that a story contains a hidden complaint, and we are both quick to wonder if we have done something wrong to occasion it. After 40 years of clinical work, I seem to be pretty good at picking up nuances in the things clients say to therapists on the DVDs I watch with supervisees.

Vegas-based porn star Charlotte Sartre talks diversity, Dostoyevsky, puppets and more - Las Vegas Weekly

Vegas-based porn star Charlotte Sartre talks diversity, Dostoyevsky, puppets and more.

Posted: Thu, 14 Feb 2019 08:00:00 GMT [source]

Goth Charlotte because I was trying to find a username and Charlotte Sartre was taken everywhere. Usually people who recognize me in the grocery store or at the airport call me by [Goth Charlotte] because it’s easier to pronounce. A lot of people have asked me, is that a play on Good Charlotte? Literally I have never heard a Good Charlotte song. I went to school for a little bit and studied accounting and taxation in college.

I think it gives them a sense of moral superiority. And I think because the public shames porn as a whole, we’ve got this evolution in the way it’s consumed to where most people have never paid for porn a day in their lives, so they think, “Oh, well, if it’s not good enough for me to pay for, why should I respect the people who make it? ” You see that with the music industry and movies; people are like, oh, I’ll just torrent it.” People don’t see the direct correlation between money and performers getting paid. But none of those TV commercials, news stories, or friends’ work updates were about me. I had developed with patients the technical skill of reflective listening but not the clinical skill of “getting” it.

I think what people like about me is I post about my cats or, “I’m going to do this today,” or I post about spiders. When I was doing a lot of taxidermy I’d post about that, or when I was studying accounting I’d post about that, so people got to see me being a normal, multifaceted person. Also, MyFreeCams hosted most of the awards, which is a great cam site if you’re a cis female, but if you’re a trans performer or a man—basically anybody with a penis—you’re not allowed on MyFreeCams. So it’s a lot of posturing and peacocking to appear more inclusive, but as an industry we still have a long way to go. Is the porn industry moving on from Southern California to Las Vegas? In LA County you have Measure B, which is the mandatory condom law.

I like to think of myself as an outrageous person so I thought it was really fitting. How has social media helped you grow your fanbase? One thing that gave me a slight advantage was I kept my same Twitter and Instagram from when I was in high school.

We caught up with Sartre inside her Vegas home, where she lives with her fiancé, adult film star Lance Hart, four cats and six tarantulas. Wearing flame-adorned pajama pants and a fluffy gray robe, Sartre discussed everything from how she got her industry start to her upcoming wedding (she and Hart are set to tie the knot on February 16), diversity in porn and more. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.

What do you think it will take to get there? I think the performers have to take it into their own hands. What do you think allowed you to grow your audience so fast? I believe in the early 2000s and ’90s, when social media wasn’t as prevalent as it is today, agents were more of a necessity.

Instead, she lets her hand rest indifferently in his so as to buy time and delay having to make a choice about accepting or rejecting his advances. Whereas she chooses to treat his compliment as being unrelated to her body, she chooses to treat her hand (which is a part of her body) as an object, thereby acknowledging, or betraying, her freedom to make choices. I’m all self-booking, so I make the arrangements myself, which is a lot easier in my opinion.